On Romance

Ro-mance

Noun

1. A feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love

“in search of romance”

1. A quality or feeling of mystery, excitement and remoteness from everyday life

“the beauty and romance of the night”

Romance might just be my favourite thing, ever. I’ve always said that you can find the romance in anything and I suppose because of that, I’m always looking for it. My gorgeous and very wise friend Anna says that my toxic trait is that I want every part of my life to feel like it’s a scene in a film (I am a Leo though so it sort of comes with the territory) and although initially steadfast in my rejection of her theory, as time has passed, I now have to admit that I think she might just be right. I’m also going to put it down to the nineties because for any other well seasoned millennials out there reading this, you will know exactly what I’m talking about. I mean look at what we grew up with. The nineties was the golden age of Romance films and when you come of age watching some of the most iconic and dramatic love stories ever made on the big screen, what else do you expect to happen? From as soon as I was able to appreciate film I was transported to a world where romance was at the heart. And predictably, as a certified Nostalgia Queen, my obsession with these films has never ever faded but rather intensified to the point of obsession. At this point I feel like I could confidently recite 80 per cent of the script of Pretty Woman, I’ve watched it that many times.

My childhood was filled with romantic classics such as Moonstruck, Dirty Dancing and When Harry Met Sally bookended with all of the old classics that my mum regularly had on rotation. And when I got to my teenage years it just got worse — Sleepless in Seattle, Love and Basketball, Titanic — ugh, break my heart now. Before Sunrise got me so deep that I’ve since planned many European trips involving train journeys in the hope that I too might meet a handsome stranger along the way with whom I could try and replicate even a morsel of the intensity of romance that emanates from that film.

A real seminal moment for me in my love of romance was one unremarkable Saturday afternoon on a family holiday when I was around thirteen. After a busy day of touristing the rest of my family were taking naps and so I took to scrolling the hotel TV channels which much to my disappointment were distinctly average, until…I stumbled across a film which unbeknownst to me at the time, would haunt me all the way into my adult life. The film, starring Juliette Lewis tells the classic tale as old as time of a young and beautiful girl from a strict, religiously observant household who meets a boy from the wrong side of town whilst on a trip to her local bowling alley. He proceeds to pursue her confidently, picking her up in his convertible Cadillac and taking her for a coastal drive to a shabby yet beautiful seaside restaurant where they enjoy oysters and tequila, displaying all of the perfect and delicious bad boy behaviour. The rest of the film goes by in a blur of kisses under the pier, passionate embraces in the car and endless friction with parents who think that he isn’t good enough for her. I won’t give you a spoiler because I genuinely think it is one of the most romantic films I’ve ever seen and well worth a watch. When I watched it for the first time on that Saturday afternoon, I didn’t catch the name of it and when I say I SEARCHED for this film high and low (and I’m 40 so I didn’t have the internet on my side to help me). I eventually found a copy on VHS in a random HMV on Oxford Street which I treasured and watched over and over again, just obsessed with the intense romance of it. But it was, like so many of these tales, a very simple, that could happen to anyone, kind of story. And I think that’s why I loved it so much.

I’ve now come to the conclusion that whoever invented the Romance genre has got a lot to answer for. Because as a result of all of this exposure, I think for a long time I chased romance a little more than I should have, rather than leaving it to happen organically which, as you would expect, often led to disappointment. But a few years ago I went on a date which made me realise that actually, I was right all along, you really can find the romance in anything and if you stop looking for it so hard, it always finds its way to you eventually. And it’s not all about grand gestures and elaborate plans, sometimes perfection comes in simplicity.

A few years ago, whilst playing around on a dating app whilst on holiday, I was completely floored by my first match. He was unbelievably attractive and it was as if someone had taken my on paper list and used it to literally build a man for me. Of course, superstitiously I read into the fact that he was the first person that the app had brought to me and I had to listen to the Universe here. He seemed to be creative, artistic, clever and don’t even get me started on his physical appearance — this guy was MAD hot. But, not a fan of dating apps, I didn’t have high hopes for a connection — I feel like dating apps actually represent the death of romance but that’s one for another time. Nonetheless, we started talking straight away and although we seemed to get on well, the universe wasn’t on our side after all. We weren’t looking for the same thing so decided not to bother meeting up and not long after after our initial messaging I returned to London. Part of me thought I should just write him off but something in my gut told me that I wanted to continue to keep contact with this one especially as I regularly visited the island where he lived. Over the coming months we would share the odd message, liking each other’s Instagram pictures and replying to stories from time to time. There were moments months later after our initial match, back in London and seeing someone else, when my mind would wander to him, wondering what would have happened if things had been different and we had actually met up in person. But as fate would have it, a year after our initial match and with me back in the same location where he lived and both of us single, we were finally arranging our first meeting. Nothing fancy or over the top but probably, to this day, one of my favourite ever dates. And in keeping with my commitment to always seeking a lesson from an experience, here’s my recipe for some unexpected romance from a day that I will never forget. For added pleasure you might want to consider listening to International Lover by Prince or something equally as indulgent whilst reading.

Ingredients:

• One big dose of anticipation — talking to someone for at least a year before actually meeting them in person really helps the attraction to build
• A perfect beach on a tropical island. Find one covered in white sand and lined with dense palm trees and other beautiful foliage if you can. Try to ideally make it while it is winter at home for added satisfaction
• A relatively calm ocean, with just enough gentle wave movement to allow for some close physical proximity during swimming
• A big blanket or towel, big enough for two, to get close on post swim
• Plenty of beer, at least a six pack and make sure you have a cooler box so you can stay out as long as you want without them getting warm
• A bikini that makes you feel hot and confident (despite being a bit nervous — being semi naked on a first date is a lot!)
• A load of butterflies — best picked up from investing time in chatting to someone you are really attracted to
• A very sexy man who you find insanely attractive and can’t keep your eyes off

Method:

1. Don’t give yourself too much time to get ready — you will only get nervous and you’ll start to hate what you look like
2. Avoid mascara — unless it’s waterproof — it will only end up making you look like Kung Fu Panda while you are trying to enjoy your frolics in the sea
3. Have a beer within the first 10 minutes of arriving for a little Dutch Courage
4. Be tactile early on — let him know you are interested
5. Get into the sea within the first hour. Really make the most of the beautiful setting and try to be present throughout — you will be surprised at how quickly the time will pass
6. Enjoy the water and the waves — they will accidentally bring you closer together
7. Try your best to keep the conversation flowing rather than just stare at how hot he is. Enjoy the excitement of the getting to know each other stage — you never get this back
8. Be brave and get physical as soon as you can. Let go and enjoy hours of kissing in the sea as the sun warms your skin and glistens on the surface of the water making the whole scene look like something from a postcard from the eighties
9. Leave the water as the sun is setting, sit close to each other on your towel on the sand and enjoy the beautiful colours of the evening sky as the turtles pop their heads up and down out of the ocean, adding to the magic
10. Go home after the beach separately after you have watched the sunset together, leaving you with even more anticipation than you arrived with

My friend who is from the island where we met always speaks about how people here just get struck. No warning, no real explanation, just hit with an intense and palpable feeling of attraction when you are least expecting it. I am confident that this is what happened to me and perhaps this is why I found a simple first date at the beach so incredibly romantic.

I’ll probably never stop wanting my life to feel like a film but my greatest discovery from this date? You really can find the romance in anything and no matter how simple, if you are with the right person or in the right place, it can knock you off your feet just as much as anything you’ll see on the big screen.

And in the meantime, if you are waiting for romance to find you and need a little magic to keep you going you can find my film of dreams, That Night on YouTube.